The Big Thaw
by Michelle167
Summary: A failed romance and relationship between Kaidan and Shepard has repercussions long after Saran and Sovereign are defeated.
1. Chapter 1

I'm not used to writing shipper fanfics. I might have a ship in the middle of a story, but it's never been the focus of the story. I enjoy reading Shenko, so I decided to try my hand at writing one. To you fanfiction writers out there that write shipper fics on a regular basis, I tip my hat to you and give you a round of applause. Shipper fics are more difficult than I thought.

I took some liberties with some of the technical stuff. The armor, the mako, etc...some of this stuff may not be described exactly how it works in game but I took those liberties to make the story work...to get the characters in the situations where I needed them to be...how I needed them to be.

There are a few cuss words...and some sexual suggestions and innuendo if you read between the lines, but I don't think I went overboard with it nevertheless I'm rating the story M just in case. According to spoilers you can continue your romance with the character you romanced in ME in ME2 or you can pick a new romance partner. My question was if you turned down a potential romantic partner in ME would you have the opportunity to reopen a possible romance with that same character in ME2. That's where this fanfic comes in. A failed romance and relationship between Kaidan and Shepard has repercussions long after Saran and Sovereign are defeated.

The story turned out rather long so I decided to break it up into chapters for ease of reading.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and Characters belong to Bioware.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"And you call me paranoid". Joker snorted.

"I'm not paranoid. I just don't think she likes me," Kaidan explained.

"Okay I'll bite. What makes you think that she doesn't like you?" Joker asked, rolling his eyes back in his head.

"She never talks to me like she does the rest of the crew. Occasionally, she asks my opinion on the last mission but nothing more than that. And you have to admit she rarely if ever picked me for squad. I really didn't even get to help take down Saren." Kaidan explained.

Joker chuckled, " First off she doesn't dish about her personal life to anyone that I know."

I...I didn't mean her personal life." Kaidan interrupted, stammering as he did, " I just meant anything not related to our job."

Kaidan lowered his head.

"Yeah, right...sure, she may discuss non-related mission stuff to a few people, but not everyone." Joker responded, a little sensed that he was interrupted. " Second as far as Saren is concerned, you went on the mission to Virmire.

A pained look flashed across Kaidan's eyes as Virmire was mentioned. Even though the entire crew had attended Ash's memorial service as a way to put her death behind them, the thought of her death still carried a sting.

He knew soldiers died. He knew it was a part of the job. But Ash had been a friend, one of the few on the Normandy that understood his confusion over Commander Shepard, and the only one he had really been able to talk to about it. When Ash died he had felt alone and lost.

"We all went on the mission to Virmire if you'll recall. The Normandy landed there." Kaidan responded, sounding rather annoyed.

"Yeah...whatever...you were at least an active part of the ground team" Joker dryly offered in response.

"I only armed the bomb, Joker." Kaidan retorted.

" Hey someone had to do it." Joker spat back , "...just glad it wasn't me, besides she asked you to go on this mission didn't she?"

" Yeah, but only because Tali went back to the flotilla and she needed a tech." Kaidan answered.

"I think you've got it all wrong Alenko. She chose you didn't she...I mean on Virmire." Joker stated flatly. It was the first time his voice really softened.

Kaidan massaged his left temple. He had felt the migraine begin when the conversation had turned towards Virmire. Now his head had begun to throb.

"She didn't choose me...she chose the mission. If Saren had been able to disarm that bomb we'd be fighting a damn near unstoppable army of Krogans on top of the Geth and the Reapers." Kaidan explained.

It was the one explanation that Shepard had given Kaidan that had succeeded in alleviating his guilt about Ashley's death. Shepard had went out of her way to convince him that the mission had come first and he had simply lucked out by being at the bomb sight rather than the AA Tower.

This time it was Joker that lowered his head.

"Yeah, Sure...whatever." Joker mumbled. " I know your right. There was no way anyone could have seen what was coming."

Joker had crushed on Ashley from the first day she had joined the crew and although Ashley was aware of the fact, she had never acted on it. Nevertheless she had gone out of her way to be nice to Joker, even occasionally teasing with him. A part of Kaidan thought that Ashley might have really liked Joker but didn't know how to proceed because of his illness. Since she never talked about it, Kaidan never asked.

"Perhaps with the way things turned out, it's a good thing they never hooked up." thought Kaidan.

"Things don't always go the way we would like them too." Kaidan said out loud.

"Are we back to you and the Commander again?" spat Joker, his somber mood forgotten.

"It was the topic of conversation." said Kaidan, glad to move away from the subject of Ashley, if nothing more than for changing Joker's mood.

"Geez, Alenko as much as you mull over the Commander with does she like me or does she like me not, one might begin to think that you're her personal stalker." Joker mused.

"Joker." said Kaidan. "I'm not that bad."

This time Kaidan was the one who rolled his eyes.

"You should see yourself from where I'm sitting." Joker jabbed back.

" Lieutenant ?" the voice interrupted. A wiry young man had swaggered up to the bridge unnoticed by either Joker or Kaidan.

Ash's replacement wasn't even half the soldier she had been. He was straight out of the academy and green as a gourd. Nevertheless Kaidan thought he seemed likable enough.

" Yes, Private Wright?" Kaidan answered.

" The Commander is already at the Mako sir. She said to suit up and get down there as soon as possible." the young private relayed.

"Already?" Kaidan responded. Even though he had not meant to say it out loud, Private Wright took it as a question directed at him.

"Yes, sir. And if you don't mind me saying sir, she seemed a little angry that you weren't ready" the private offered.

Kaidan looked back at Joker.

"Don't look at me...not my problem." Joker said.

Kaidan shook his head and sighed. He rubbed his temples as his migraine had become full blown.

" See ya later, Joker" he managed.

"Yeah, whatever." Joker said. "Don't forget your personal stalker kit."

"I'll just borrow yours." Kaidan bit back sarcastically.

Failing to get the joke, Private Wright looked dumbfounded as the lieutenant followed him off the bridge.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

That had been several hours ago. Kaidan looked down at the figure he held in his arms.

"She looks so fragile...so innocent." he thought.

Her long dark hair had come undone and fell loosely around her shoulders. Despite the fresh cut on her forehead, Kaidan noticed how young she looked without her trademark up-do hairstyle.

"She must wear it up like that to make herself look older...to look more authoritative." he mused.

He reached out and ran a finger down one of the strands. It was something he never would have done if she were conscious...something he would have hesitated doing even with her unconscious but it was something that Kaidan could easily do when he had a headache of this magnitude. At times the pain came on so strong he felt drunk and unaware of where he was. For the moment, it took him out of himself just long enough to touch the flowing locks of the woman he had come to admire so much.

Where is the woman who practically single handily took down the rogue Spectre Saren and the reaper Sovereign? Where is the woman who was the hero of Elysium? Where is the woman who served the alliance and the galaxy numerous times saving many lives in the process? Surely this can't be her?

"Ahhhh But it is." thought Kaidan as his thoughts began to ramble. His migraine had reached major status and he found it increasingly hard to concentrate.

"You don't look like a Spectre. You look like someones lover." Kaidan whispered out loud.

Had he actually said that? He had meant to say daughter.

Panic set in as he felt his heart began to beat wildly.

"She didn't hear me did she?" he thought.

Looking intently at her face convinced him she was still out.

"She didn't hear." He whispered, relieved.

"Oh God, Joker's right...I am a stalker." thought Kaidan.

He had dismissed the joke earlier but with his headache raging and his thoughts becoming increasingly incoherent it began to nag at him. At times like these he could become irrational. Things that didn't bother him before suddenly would. Biotic geneticists classified it in layman's terms as being on the edge. Those who went over were said to have been made insane by the L2 implants. Those that didn't were said to be lucky. Kaidan was lucky. He had never gone over, but he had teetered on the edge many times.

One of those geneticists had told Kaidan that luck had nothing to do with it at all. It was his self control. Kaidan subconsciously refused to let go of anything in his life including his mind. When pressed he would force himself to focus so as not to trip over the edge no matter how intense the pain became.

However after Eden Prime he had worried. He had made a conscious decision not to hold back anymore when it came to his biotic abilities. His concern was that letting go in one area might affect other areas in his life including his mind. With time it became apparent that such was not the case and his fears began to dissipate.

That decision had also revealed just how much Kaidan had held back with his biotics. Something that was not lost on Wrex and the other members of the crew. It was one of the reasons he couldn't understand why the Commander had kept him back from so many missions in taking down Saren. He had proven that he was as capable as anyone else in the crew if not more so, yet she continued to exclude him as much as possible.

"Why not me?" he whispered into Shepard's still unconscious face.

He wasn't so sure he was talking about missions at this point. The nagging question about being a stalker was still floating around in the back of his mind.

" I meant daughter...not lover!" Kaidan said decisively, addressing his previous comment.

Shepard didn't stir.

He realized that he was dangling off the edge and mentally began to take a step back. The renewed concentration caused a stab of pain to dance across his forehead and pierce through his already throbbing brain into the base of his neck where his implant rested. The mental explosion almost crippled him as he doubled over in pain.

"Damn!" he swore.

It was bad. Kaidan couldn't remember having a headache this bad in years. It felt like someone had rammed a hot poker through his skull.

A loud thump banged from outside the mako. He jerked his head up, causing the intensifying pain to explode afresh. This time tears came to his eyes as he was nearly blinded from the affliction. He wanted to scream. Stubbornly he refused to give in.

Gritting his teeth he whispered, "It's just debris from the storm."

His determination paid off. Despite the fact that the pain permeated every crevice of his overloaded brain, his thought patterns began to clear.

He looked back down at Shepard's unconscious body.

Even wrapped snugly beneath the medi-blankets Kaidan could still feel her shivering. Consistently he began to rub his hands back and forth over her covered arms in an attempt to speed her warming.

Now more alert, he became aware of the dropping temperature.

He had fared better than the Commander in the blast and suffered no physical injuries but not even his armor was suited for enduring the cold of a hazard level 2 planet for an extended period of time.

"I'm going to have to ditch this soon." he thought.

The lab created fibers of his armor had a natural cooling affect to them. In cold environments a heating mechanism much like the one used in the mako, though on a smaller scale, was used to keep it's wearer warm. But like anything mechanical it had to be fueled. The omni-gel in Kaidan's armor had ran out only minutes after the blast that had knocked Shepard out cold. The warmth his suit had provided was fading.

Kaidan shivered as the wind howled against the mako's outer shell. If he had more omni-gel he could have repaired the damaged rover but he had fell short. The best she could offer in her damaged state was life support and a few dim emergency lights. The atmospheric control that would have provided them with the warmth they so badly needed was completely inoperable.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam could see her heated breath as it hit the cold night air.

She raised her hands, cupping them around her mouth and blew, thankful for the heat from her own body that glided across her palms. The gloves she wore were tattered and offered little protection against the elements.

Her path was lit only by the many barrels stoked with fire that burnt throughout the alleyways...a common sight in the crime infested neighborhoods she frequented. Any light that might have come forth from overhead had long been diminished through the thick clouds of pollution that hovered overhead. The night sky was utterly black.

"Why do you keep doing that?" her companion asked.

"Doing what?" she asked in return.

"Looking up at the sky." was the response.

Jillian looked at Samantha Shepard with peaked curiosity in her eyes. Sam cracked a smile. Jillian always looked too serious when she was truly puzzled about something.

"I was just wondering about the stars." Sam stated simply.

"What about them?" Jillian asked.

Sam sighed, "About how great it would be to see one."

"From Earth?" Jillian asked.

"From anywhere." stated Sam.

"If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, you know that's not going to happen." said Jillian.

"You don't know that, Jillian. You just think you do." Sam said, ruffling her brow as she did so.

"You think if the Reds find out that they'll just let you go?" asked Jillian seriously.

Sam noted the look of concern on Jillian's face. Jillian was more like a sister than a friend. She would never rat her out to the Reds.

"They won't find out and if they do they can't stop...us." Sam said decisively.

"Us?" asked Jillian.

"You didn't think I'd leave you behind did you?" asked Sam.

"I don't think I'm Alliance material, Sam." she answered in a hushed whisper.

"Nonsense, Jillian. They take all kinds. You can specialize in different areas. You don't have to be a soldier. You can specialize in engineering or biotics or you can mix it up. They'll find a place for you." Sam explained.

Sam was young and full of romantic notions about what space would be like. Some people would have said she just wanted to get away from Earth with its overpopulation, pollution, and crime and perhaps that was partly true, but Sam could have done that by planning to volunteer for colonization. No, Sam wanted a career...to fly among the stars...to see the aliens that so many on Earth spoke of...to set out on the adventure of a lifetime and dare she think it... to one day fall in love.

"You really think they could find a place for me?" asked the small framed girl.

"Of course they could" answered Sam confidently, smiling broadly at her best friend.

Both of the girls were 17 and according to the Alliance Charter they were old enough to apply for basic training. The age had been lowered over the years from 21 to 17 to allow time for individuals to get a handle on any genetic or biotic adjustments they might acquire as a result of their classification assignments.

"I know they will." Sam reaffirmed.

Despite her background, Sam had always been positive and confident in her younger days.

She had always longed for something more and didn't see her life on Earth as an indication that she was doomed to be bound to it forever.

It was an unexpected attitude from someone who didn't have the affirmation from or the knowledge of either of her parents. One might have expected Jillian, who knew her mother, to have been even more confident and positive than Sam, however that was not the case. The petite girl always looked to Sam for instruction and inspiration, and in some ways was in awe of her. She found herself easily led by Sam wherever Sam wanted her to go.

Jillian's mother was Caroline Baird, a small shop owner who like many shop owners in the rougher neighborhoods had stuck it out when the place went downhill if only because they couldn't afford to do anything else.

When Jillian had been born, her father was long out of the picture and Caroline had taken to raising her new child on her own. It was not long after when she had found an abandoned baby in the back alley that led to her store and being the kind hearted woman she was took the infant in. A note had been attached to the baby that simply read "Samantha Shepard". And for what little comfort it offered in the economic, environmental, and social slum that Earth had become the three of them became a family.

However the comfortable setting did not last long. When the girls were but nine, Caroline was shot to death in a robbery attempt. It was well known that the foster care system was corrupt and rumors abounded that parent-less children were sold to the highest bidders for profit. Wild stories of child slavery and prostitution kept most homeless children fending for themselves on the streets rather than risk what could occur if they were discovered by the foster system. Because of this the girls made themselves scarce when the government came knocking after Caroline's death. Left alone they turned to a life of petty crime just to survive.

Necessity pushed the girls to excel at petty theft, their growing expertise gaining the attention of the local gangs. For their own protection they chose to join the Reds. Being a member of their new family, they could now obtain greater value for their contraband and though they still lived on the street, as most of the Reds did, they never went hungry.

It was for this very task... theft... that had brought the girls out so late on this cold dark night. Of course it went without a hitch. A portion of the proceeds from their prize would go to the Reds...the rest was for themselves.

The next day Sam used the money to acquire seats on the tram that went into the upper west side of the city. It was there she and Jillian signed up for the Alliance Military. A place was found for Jillian in the field of engineering. Sam was assigned as a Vanguard...a surprise to her since she was unaware that she had any potential with biotics. It seemed as if her dream was coming true.

Jillian's fear of the Reds finding out and coming after them never materialized and within a few short weeks they were shipped off to the moon for training. It was the first time Sam saw stars.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

-  
Shepard shivered. Her eyes fluttered but didn't open.

Kaidan wondered if she was dreaming. He could have sworn he saw a slight smile cross her lips.

He now held her tightly in his arms. He had to admit it was as much for his own warmth as it was for hers at this stage. His suit had gone cold. Rubbing her arms had been replaced with rubbing her back as he enveloped her medi-blanket wrapped slender frame.

"How this must look." he thought, "If she woke up right now what would she think?"

A sliver of fear gripped his heart at the thought.

" She already dislikes me...if she thought I was taking advantage..." his mind trailed off, "...no, she's a professional if anything. She understands the only reason I'd ever venture to hold her would be to save her life."

He knew it wasn't true. Shepard's aloofness had only served to deepen Kaidan's attraction to her. Even after all this time he felt more drawn to her now than the first day they had met.

The vids of the hotshot young Shepard, the hero of Elysium didn't do her justice and Kaidan had been blown away by how attractive in person she really was. He remembered thinking to himself that if they put her face on a recruiting poster for the Alliance every red-blooded human male on Earth and in the colonies would be lining up to join.

"Lieutenant , this is Commander Shepard. She's the newest member of the crew." Captain Anderson had said.

Kaidan had barely nodded, "Commander."

" Lieutenant," she answered, nodding in return. A slight smile crossed her lips as her eyes caught his, causing his heart to began to race.

They lingered, their gazes locked with one another just short of being too long as to make it uncomfortable.

" If you'll follow me, Commander Shepard, I'll introduce you to our esteemed Dr. Chakwas" Captain Anderson continued.

"If you'll excuse me, Lieutenant." she said, quickly following the Captain to the Med Bay.

Kaidan nodded once again as she took her leave and wondered what had just happened. Not a word had been spoken other than cordial introductions but it felt like something had passed between them...something that Kaidan hadn't felt in a long time...something that if left unconsummated would torment him from that day forward.

That introduction had been over a year ago and a lot had changed since then.

After Saran was defeated, Shepard had went on a fishing expedition to find a mu relay into dark space. She felt that hitting the Reapers unexpectedly, perhaps even in hibernation might be their best defense at warding them off. She had turned up empty handed. With time, the fear of a Reaper invasion was replaced with rebuilding, especially the citadel and its defense force which now included humans as well as Turians. Slowly it seemed as though the universe was being lulled back into a false sense of peace and complacency.

Faced once again with political roadblocks at making any headway into the possible Reaper problem, Shepard did something Kaidan never thought she would do...she gave up.

"If the Council needs me, they'll call." had been her response to the crew when she had announced that she was ending her search for some way to find a back door to the Reapers.

Though the threat of the invasion had yet to materialize rumors abounded about secret experiments being conducted among various organizations to prepare some sort of defense against the threat of the ancient machines. Shepard had seemed uninterested and unconcerned. Kaidan expected the about face was more personal than professional and had wished that his relationship had been of such that he could have discussed it with her. Honestly he felt that she was just tired of fighting. She returned to dealing with Alliance and Spectre missions as she was called upon.

He and Shepard were here because of one of those missions. Communications from a military Alliance science team had ceased and Shepard was called in to investigate. It seemed simple enough and the results had been as expected. The scientists had been discovered dead. From all indications it had been from an accidental explosion rather than from the Geth or pirates . They had no way of knowing that the entire facility was unstable.


	3. Chapter 3

"Private Wright?!" the Commander shouted.

The eager young private exited the science labs almost stumbling over his own two feet as he rushed to answer the Commander. Immediately he snapped to attention and saluted.

"Yes Ma'am." he answered.

Kaidan stifled a chuckle. He had always been a stickler for the rules but he hoped he had never acted like Private Wright. His eager enthusiasm seemed out of place against the backdrop of the battered science building. It even seemed out of place next to Commander Shepard. After Saren, these routine missions seemed dull and lifeless, though looking at Private Wright you wouldn't think so.

"Check the west side of the building. Make sure we didn't overlook anything." Shepard responded.

"Aye Aye Ma'am" he said scurrying back through the lab opening.

This left an uncomfortable Kaidan Alenko alone with his commanding officer.

He was coming to accept the fact that his relationship with Shepard would always be only professional, but why did if have to be so damn strained. He had tried to bridge the gap on many occasions to at least becoming friends but had failed repeatedly. Other officers had friendly professional relationships that didn't push the limits of fraternization...relationships where things were not so disagreeable. Kaidan had convinced himself that this was all he wanted.

Nevertheless he was tired of trying, and after his growing headache from his conversation with Joker he wasn't really in the mood to talk.

Shepard was first to break the silence.

" You're awful quite, Lieutenant. What's going on in that brain of yours?" asked the Commander.

" A throbbing migraine and you're making it worse." he thought agitatedly. He was surprised at the anger he felt towards her. It had come unexpectedly.

Kaidan simply shook his head negatively and ignored her puzzled look.

" I don't think I've ever seen you at a loss for words, Lieutenant ." Shepard said.

"So,you think I talk to much?" Kaidan spat. It was out of his mouth before he could reel it in.

Shepard could feel the vile in Kaidan's words and a startled look crossed her face.

"No." the Commander said slowly, "I just thought you'd have an assessment of the situation. You always have something to add."

"About the mission."Kaidan stated flatly.

"Yes...Lieutenant, about the mission," Shepard answered.

"How about...Kaidan, how's your day going? Or maybe...Kaidan, is the food in the mess any better today? Or Kaidan, how's your headaches?" he hissed.

Shepard saw a fire burning in Kaidan's eyes. She didn't think she had ever seen him so angry.

"Is your head bothering you?" she asked, ignoring his obvious tirade.

"Yes!...and you're making it worse!" he yelled. Kaidan could feel the pounding in his temples begin to accelerate. Realizing he was screaming at his commanding officer he forcefully added, "Ma 'am."

"We can get the med-kit from the mako if you need something." she continued, once again ignoring the fact that the headache might not be the real issue.

He could feel his blood began to boil.

Disgruntled Kaidan shook his head. "Hell...it's no use" he said and walked away leaving Shepard confused and shocked.

" Lieutenant ." she called, as he strode away.

"Lieutenant!" her voice rose. He continued to walk away increasing his pace as he did so.

"Kaidan!!" she shouted, reverting to using his first name...something she never did.

A little shocked at the use of his first name coming from Shepard's mouth, but still reeling in anger Kaidan whirled around.

"What!!" he shouted back.

Shepard didn't have time to answer. The sound was deafening. The explosion ripped through the west end of the science lab destroying what was left of the mangled building. Shepard was thrown forward toward Kaidan, her body flung to ground like a rag doll.

Water spewed out of a new found entrance just beneath the science labs doors.

"The explosion must have clipped the water main." thought Kaidan as he moved toward the Commander's limp body.

The rising steam told Kaidan that the water was hot but it quickly began to freeze over as the gusher died down. Rushing towards the Commander, Kaidan noticed another body that had been blown clear of the blast...one that was mangled and lifeless. It was Private Wright.

"No need to stop." he thought, as he continued to move toward the Commander. A part of him hated to be so cold, but Private Wright was beyond help. Shepard's survival might depend on his quick response.

The armor that lay shredded around her had obviously done it's job since the only visible wound upon her was a small cut to the forehead. A look of relief spread across Kaidan's face as he observed that her chest was rising and falling in a steady rhythm.

It was quickly replaced however with one of horror, as he realized that Shepard was drenched from the water that had burst forth from the shattered water main. She was soaking wet on a hazard level 2 frozen planet.

Not thinking twice , he threw Shepard over his shoulder and made a beeline for the mako. His pace slowed as it came into view. The Normandy's rover had evidently been at ground zero and taken the brunt of the damage.

"Damn!" he swore, "I don't have enough omni-gel to repair that."

Shaking his head he muttered, "At least it's not on fire...I guess that's something."

Lifting Shepard's body onto the mako roof , he dropped her through the hatch and quickly climbed in after her.

It was warmer inside, but Kaidan knew it wouldn't last long. The damage to the mako included the atmospheric controls.

Instinctively he looked at the meter on his suit.

"Great...this day just keeps getting better and better." he said, sarcastically.

The omni-gel that fueled the heating mechanism in his armor had just run out.

Turning his attention back to Shepard, his thoughts re-focused on getting her warm.

Rummaging through the jumbled contents that had been scattered throughout the mako due to the blast, he searched, until he found what he was looking for...a packet of metallic blue medi-blankets.

"These should do the trick." he mumbled..

Looking back to Shepard, he realized what he would have to do.

He could actually feel himself blush.

"This isn't exactly the way I hoped this would happen." he whispered.

Hearing his thoughts voiced caused his cheeks to turn a deeper shade of red.

"What will she think if she wakes up when I'm undressing her" he thought.

" That you were trying to save her life" he could hear the ghost of Ash's voice in his head, "Geez, Lieutenant you really don't get out much, do you? How long has it been since you had a date? "

Kaidan massaged his temples and let out a sigh.

" Why did Tali return to the flotilla? I wouldn't even be in this mess if she was here." Kadian muttered.

He began undressing the Commander averting his eyes as he did so.


	4. Chapter 4

"Come on Sam. It's not that bad really" Jillian pleaded.

"He's a Lieutenant . You know the rules against fraternization." Samantha said.

"And people break those rules all the time. What about Admiral Barton? His wife was under his command for three years before she left the alliance, and they got married. You don't think there was something going on between them all that time. And I heard that Commander Kenisaw was seeing Chief Carter for two years before she asked for reassignment. " Jillian countered.

"That was their business. This is about you." Sam responded stubbornly.

Sam refused to budge, yet a part of her wondered why the fraternization rules were in place anyway. Alliance soldiers put their lives on the line everyday. Finding a little comfort in one another's arms as long as it didn't interfere with the job didn't seem to be a big deal.

"Come on, Sam. You've always said the rule could be damaging in the long run...that it would be better to have a relationship than to be constantly distracted by someone you couldn't be with." Jillian said, as though she was reading Sam's mind.

"Your using my own words against me, Jillian. That's not fair. I was simply discussing policy. I didn't say it was alright for everyone to break the rules." Sam gushed out, "besides that's not the rule you're asking me to break."

Jillian lowered her head.

"It's only a little lie, Sam...please." she pleaded.

For months Sam had pleaded with Jillian not to see Lieutenant Richardson, but to no avail.

"If it had been someone else, maybe I wouldn't have been so opposed," she thought.

As far as Sam was concerned Lieutenant Richardson was a sleaze. He shamelessly flirted with every woman he came in contact with including Sam. There was nothing sweet about the man. He was overbearing and over confident.

"Thought he was God's gift to women." the thought floated into her consciousness and hovered there for a second before drifting away.

It wasn't until her last shore leave that Sam had really become concerned. Due to time constraints shore leave had been confined to the nearest Naval base, which at the time had been on a seedy little planet known for it's gambling and prostitution. When Sam's turn came she tried to confine herself to the Naval base. She knew how easy it was to get into trouble from her childhood days on Earth, and she had no desire to wreck her military career over making an ass of herself. Unfortunately, boredom kicked in and Sam found herself in a bar having a drink and blowing her paycheck on Quasar.

It was one night while there that she spied the esteemed Lieutenant Richardson in a dark corner with another woman. His companion looked like a prostitute and the two of them were doing more than talking over a few drinks. Sam's heart sunk. She was just thankful that Jillian's rotation had not enabled her to be there. Curious, Sam returned the next night and once again the Lieutenant was in the same situation, although this time it was with a different woman. Sam didn't have the courage to tell Jillian, so the matter remained secret.

"Sam...Sam...are you going to help me or not?" Jillian asked looking up into Sam's face.

Sam was roused out of her thoughts. The memory of Lieutenant Richardson's illicit rendezvous made Sam's decision all that much firmer. Maybe being separated from the Lieutenant was the best thing for Jillian.

"I can't." Sam stated simply.

Jillian's eyes clouded over with anger.

"You can't or you won't!" Jillian spat.

"I can't." Sam repeated, taken aback at Jillian's response.

"Because of your precious career! That's what's important to you! You don't care about me...We're supposed to be best friends! I followed you into the Alliance! This was your dream, not mine!" Jillian screamed.

All the resentment she had felt towards Sam had exploded from a wound that had festered deep within for years. Although she had always admired Samantha Shepard, she was also secretly jealous of her. Sam was the one who excelled at everything. Sam was the one all the men looked after longingly. Sam was the one who was always praised. She was the one who had taken Jillian's mother away. Why couldn't she have gotten someone else to be her mother? Why had she taken Jillian's? As far as Jillian was concerned Sam had everything and Jillian nothing.

Then out of the blue the Lieutenant had been interested in her...not Sam...but Jillian. It was a first. For once Jillian had something that Sam didn't, and Sam was trying to take it away.

Shocked at Jillian's response Sam actually took a step back.

" This is your dream too." Sam said. She spoke with confidence, but a nagging doubt began to surface in her gut that she was wrong.

"No! It's not! I never wanted this...you did, and like always the great and mighty Samantha Shepard has to get what she wants! And you had to drag me right along with you, but when I want something you stand in my way!" Jillian ranted."You're just jealous. You hate the fact that I have someone and you don't. You don't want us to be together! You want me to be alone like you, but I'm not like you and I don't want to be!"

Samantha winced at Jillian's comments. Maybe she was right. For Sam, a relationship at this in stage in her career didn't seem like the wisest choice.

"...but I really don't have the right to expect her to follow the same path.." she thought.

"You don't have to be like me. You can have someone in your life...I just don't think the Lieutenant is right for you." Sam said, trying to diffuse the situation.

It wound up making matters worse.

"Maybe you think he's right for you then, Samantha Shepard!' Jillian hurled back.

Sam was shocked. Is this what Jillian thought...that she was interested in Lieutenant Richardson?

"No! He would be the last guy I would be interested in, Jillian. I wouldn't do that to you. You don't understand what I'm saying." She rapidly countered, trying to undo the damage.

"Then testify to the board." Jillian said flatly.

Sam could see it Jillian's eyes. She truly believed that Sam wanted Richardson for himself. Samantha had lost the battle.

" I won't lie for you. I won't tell the board that you were working with me instead of out with the Lieutenant." Sam stated in defeat.

"Because you don't want the Lieutenant and me together!" Jillian repeated.

It was true but not for the reasons Jillian thought. If the board reassigned them, maybe Jillian could be spared a broken heart.

"Jillian, I..." Sam started and stopped cold.

Her best friend was staring at her with a frozen, hard , unforgiving look.

"It's true. I can see it your eyes." Jillian said, " You want to break us up."

Jillian's statement of realization left Sam without words. She couldn't respond.

"Don't talk to me every again and stay away from me." Jillian commanded.

As Jillian retreated down the dimly lit hallway, Sam tried to call for her but her name wouldn't come.

"It's for the best." Sam silently convinced herself, "It'll save her future heartache."

Sam was right. It saved Jillian Baird a lifetime of heartaches.

The board meeting went as Sam knew it would. Both Lieutenant Richardson and Jillian were reassigned. To Sam's surprise the Lieutenant got a cushy upscale job in Alliance P.R. She wondered exactly what he had done to get it. Jillian didn't fair as well. She was assigned patrol on a backwater planet that was riddled with pirates and crime.

There were no tears or makeup sessions or "I'm sorry's" between the two young women. No one said "I forgive you" or "You're like a sister to me." One day Jillian was just gone.

Sam had hoped to talk with her before she left, but it never happened. For weeks she agonized over whether or not she should have told Jillian about the Lieutenant's indiscretions. Several times she had almost contacted Jillian to explain, but had backed out at the last moment.

Three months later news came that Private Jillian Baird had been killed in action in a pirate raid. It was at her memorial service that Sam came to the twisted conclusion that breaking the rules had led to Jillian's pain and death. She vowed that Samantha Shepard would never break them.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Shepard groaned. Her brow furrowed.

"Still dreaming." thought Kaidan, "Looks like it isn't a happy one this time. At least she's still out."

Kaidan drew up tightly against the cocooned Shepard. If he hadn't been shivering so badly he would have thought about how this would have looked to an outsider.

He had actually been contemplating unwrapping the medi-blankets from around Shepard's rapidly warming body and re-wrapping them around the two of them, but had nixed the idea. He wasn't cold enough yet to face her wrath if she awoke to find him cuddling with her. The thought brought even more resistance when he considered she was wearing only her underwear.

"L.T. why do you do that? You know she would understand once she saw the situation you were in." Ash's voice chimed in.

"Shut up!" Kaidan had responded.

He had averted going over the edge earlier, but the voice remained as a remnant of his earlier episode. It wasn't the first time it had happened and Kaidan was sure it wouldn't be the last.

"Kaidan Alenko is perfectly sane." he said out loud.

"Except when you're around her." Ash quipped.

"You make me a nervous wreck." Kaidan said into Shepard's face.

No response.

Ash had been Kaidan's only sounding board concerning Shepard, and here she was again, giving advice.

He chalked it up to a subconscious defense mechanism protecting him from acting on his mindless misconceptions about Shepard.

"I'm hearing dead people." he chuckled, " That doesn't bode well in the situation we're in."

He was re-considering unwrapping Shepard when his eye caught a flash of blue flickering off the reflection of the few control lights that dimly lit the mako's dashboard.

A second pack of medi-blankets lay directly behind Shepard, half tucked in a compartment used to store the repair tools.

"Why didn't I find those earlier?" he thought.

"...because the mako's a mess. You can't be expected to cover everything. Get a grip, Alenko." Kaidan said to himself. He could faintly hear Ash's voice speaking in unison as spouted the words.

"because it was something Ash would have said." he mused.

" I'll just go get them...no problem...crisis solved " he continued, his attention reverting back to the pack of medi-blankets.

Kaidan couldn't will himself to do it. Walking away from Shepard and what little warmth he had didn't really feel like an option.

"I might freeze to death as soon as I get up." he thought.

He didn't really believe it, but the cold was beginning to get to him. His hands were going numb.

The only other way he could reach the blankets was if he lowered Shepard onto the floor of the mako and stretched out over her.

Kaidan laughed at the thought.

"And I was worried about what she would think if she woke and found us cuddling" he whispered.

He knew what it looked like but he felt he had no choice. He needed those blankets.

Kaidan removed one arm from around Shepard and reached to the floor. He cursed when his hand touched the cold metal.

"Only for a minute." he said to himself, "Just one minute."

With his other arm wrapped around Shepard's body he lowered her onto the floor. The move amounted to a one armed push up, and Kaidan was thankful that he had stayed in shape well enough to perform it.

Stretched out on top of the Commander, Kaidan reached for the edge of the medi-blanket packet, unconsciously pressing tightly against Shepard's body as he did so, nevertheless, in the absence of holding her, what little warmth he had received began to quickly dissipate.

He had almost reached his goal when he felt Shepard stir.

"Lieutenant." came Shepard's voice.

"Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!" he thought.

Kaidan felt a scream rise in his throat. Shepard was going to wake up, and he was right on top of her. He could imagine the word's "court marshal" spewing out of her mouth.

"NO! NO! NO!...I need that blanket!" his thoughts screamed, as his fear of discovery was overruled by the thought of freezing to death..

If he was going down he was going to be warm.

Reaching with all his might, Kaidan fingered and snatched the coveted pack of medi-blankets from the floor compartment . Pushing with his one free hand he shoved himself up back into an upright position, pulling Shepard up along with him.

"I don't remember you being quite so high strung, lieutenant." Ash's voice popped up.

Ignoring the voice, Kaidan greedily unzipped the packet to find it utterly empty.

"Aaaargh!' he yelled, frustrated. "Doesn't anybody restock this thing!?"

Remembering Shepard, he looked cautiously, noting that she was still out.

"Great now I'm hearing Shepard's voice too." he thought.

Without the second pack of medi-blankets he was going to have to share Shepards. He had no choice.

The natural coolant fibers in Kaidan's suit were starting to kick in. It was now or never.

Kaidan quickly stripped down to his uniform. Gently removing the layer of medi-blankets from Shepard, he gathered her body into his arms and purposely re-wrapped the two of them together.

Kaidan snuggled next to Shepard basking in the thawing of his hands and feet.

"At least I have on more clothes than she does." Kaidan thought, as he felt her bare skin resting against his body.

He realized where his thoughts were going.

"Warmth...it's about warmth." he said, refocusing his mind.

Not realizing how tired he had been Kaidan was taken away by sleep as the warmth washed over him and he relaxed.


	5. Chapter 5

"Big place." Lieutenant Alenko said.

Shepard silently agreed. She, the Lieutenant, and Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams stood overlooking the balcony of the wards. The view seemed endless.

"That your professional opinion, Sir" Ash jabbed.

Shepard winced. She wasn't sure what the Lieutenant would make of the comment. Biotics were viewed by some non-biotics...as though they were less than human. Even within the Alliance those who chose biotics were sometimes ostracized. She had experienced a little of it herself being a vanguard, but Kaidan Alenko was altogether a different story. His file said he had been born a biotic. He had had a lifetime to be ridiculed and she wasn't sure how much prejudice he might have been exposed too. If he wore it on his shoulder, Ashley's comment could have sounded a little patronizing.

Ashley was a soldier's soldier..just one of the boys...great to have in a fight with you, but not someone you'd ask to give a speech. Ashley simply spoke her mind. She didn't seem too fond of aliens either. Shepard wondered where Alenko fit in with that. Many biotics especially those born that way were considered inhuman.

"This isn't a station it's a city." Shepard chimed in. She wanted to reaffirm the Lieutenant's observation just in case he felt belittled by the tactless Chief.

"There must be millions...can't be possible to track everyone coming and going" Kaidan continued.

Shepard was a relieved that he seemed unmoved by Ashley's remark.

"This makes jump zero look like a porta john and it's the largest deep space station the alliance has." Ash added.

Inwardly Shepard smiled. The differences between her two companions couldn't have been greater. Kaidan actually seemed in awe of the alien accomplishment and Ashley had sounded disappointed that the Alliance's achievements weren't as impressive. Another reason for Shepard to suspect that Ashley hated aliens.

"Jump zero is big, but this is a whole 'nother' scale. Look at the ward arms. How do they keep all that mass from flying apart?" Kaidan answered.

The comment left Shepard puzzled. It sounded like Kaidan had been to Jump Zero before but she couldn't recall that information from his file. She wondered if something had been purposely omitted.

"The council represents more races than I thought. No wonder they're careful with new comers." Shepard stated, mentally dismissing her curiosity about Kaidan's past.

"'They probably just want to keep everything running. It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together." Kaidan explained.

Shepard felt an almost childlike giggle turn over on the inside of her. She stifled it. It seemed that the Lieutenant was one of those who had to have an explanation for everything. Normally something like that would have annoyed her, but for some reason it worked on him. It didn't seem condescending at all. Could she dare think it...it came across as cute.

"Or is it the Lieutenant you think is cute?" she thought.

Shepard felt a warmth crawl up from her chest into her face. She was thankful for her olive toned skin that hid the ever so revealing blush that had formed.

"What is wrong with you, Shepard?" she mentally chided herself, "You have this awe inspiring view, and all you're focusing on is Lieutenant Alenko. You're thinking like a school girl. Get a grip!"

"No" she thought, " These aren't the thoughts of school girl innocence."

Her eyes cut to observe the Lieutenant's slender yet muscular form. Shepard was in silent shock as to the thoughts that flashed through her mind.

"Or maybe they just don't like humans. " added Ash.

The comment brought Shepard out of her invisible embarrassment and her "not for prime time" imaginations, but not out of the romantic notions that were filtering through her head.

"Why not? We've got ocean's, beautiful women, this emotion called love. According to the old vids, we have everything they want." she commented.

"When you put it that way, there's no reason they wouldn't like you...I mean...us...humans...Ma am" Alenko said clumsily.

Had the Lieutenant said what Shepard thought he just did? She glanced at him. Uncomfortably he straightened up from the relaxed position he had held against the railing.

"You don't take much shore leave do you L.T." mocked Ash.

"Thanks Ash." thought Shepard sarcastically, "No way he could possibly be attracted to me. He's probably just hard up. Way to make a girl feel special."

Shepard felt like kicking her. Instead she noticed that the Lieutenant unconsciously rubbed his neck and avoided her gaze.

"He's pretending he didn't say anything." she thought, "He looks totally embarrassed. And what do you know, he's blushing"

Trying not to make him any more uncomfortable than he already was Shepard turned to Ash, "Alright, laugh it up chief." and addressing the Lieutenant she said "I appreciate the thought Alenko but we're on duty here."

Turning with his head slightly down, he bashfully said, "Uh... I aye aye Ma'am."

She wouldn't have thought it of the Lieutenant, but it turned out that he was quite shy at least when it came to the opposite sex.

"Either that or he's the biggest player I ever met." she thought.

She barely heard Ash when she said, "I'll walk drag ma'am". Shepard was totally hooked.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"I appreciate the thought Alenko but we're on duty here." she had said.

Her words had echoed in Kaidan's head for days and they had haunted him for his entire stay of service on the Normandy. Where had he gone wrong?

She had seemed interested. He had actually poured out a part of his past to her, something he rarely ever did. Everything seemed to be going fine and in one awkward moment he found himself apologizing for getting his signals crossed when she didn't respond the way he thought she would.

At first he had accepted it, after all he was an adult and this was a military mission. It was no time for wallowing in hurt feelings over being rejected. The relationship was cordial and professional, if not friendly and Kaidan resigned himself to the fact that this was the way it was meant to be, but despite his determination he found that he just could not get the woman out of his head.

The more distant she became the more he felt the need to reach out to her and make some sort of connection. He felt himself graduate from his "insert mouth in foot" moment on the balcony of the wards to an all out "I'm an idiot" babbling whenever she was near. The usually self controlled Kaidan Alenko found that his mouth lost control anytime he was around the Commander.

Joker had chided him.

"How bad could it be? The only thing you ever discuss are the missions."

Kaidan knew he was right...that he was overreacting, but that knowledge didn't alleviate his frustration. He simply felt like a fool anytime he talked to Shepard and wound up kicking himself over what he may or may not of said.

Adding to his growing confusion was the fact that he would sometimes catch her watching him. Was she now spying on him? The more he observed this, the more paranoid he became.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"She's got to be kidding." thought Shepard.

Dr. Liara T'Soni wanted to know if there was something between the two of them.

"But your a woman." Shepard had said.

"Mono-gendered" Liara had stated.

"She's not kidding." thought Shepard.

Sam was not the least bit interested in Liara, but she couldn't help but wonder if maybe some part of her had led the Asari on.

"Maybe that part of you that's so frustrated at dancing around a certain Lieutenant and not being able to take the plunge." she silently scolded herself.

She was as gentle with Liara as she could be. She didn't want to hurt the Asari's feelings, but she simply was not attracted to her.

"Mono-gendered or not she looks like a woman" thought Shepard as she left the inner chamber of the med-bay.

Yet she couldn't help be impressed with the fact that Liara had been able to speak up about her feelings despite the fact that she might get hurt. It was more than what Shepard had been able to do.

Commander Shepard's attraction to Lieutenant Alenko had been almost immediate. Looking back she realized that she had noticed him the moment they had met and the feelings seemed to be mutual.

It was unexpected.

The more she had talked with him, the less she had been able to concentrate. Because of the regulations against fraternization her relationship with the slightly older Sentinel was resigned to the hope that soon they would have a shore leave together. Being unable to fully engage in the relationship only fueled Shepard's inability to think on anything else, and soon she was distracted from her job.

Had she been thinking clearly she would have realized that denying personal relationships could be dangerous...that it could lead to more distractions by resisting them than by engaging in them. She had once held that belief long ago and if it had not been stifled by Jillian's death, the fervor which she held for the Lieutenant would alone have been enough to cause her to break the rules.

The memories of Jillian's death did indeed began to resurface due to her irrational fears of discovery, and when all was said and done Jillian's death was what prevailed. The closer she got to Alenko the more she feared that like Jillian he would be reassigned or worse yet killed in action. She convinced herself that it would be in his best interest if she simply ended the relationship so, she purposely sabotaged it.

" I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself" she said.

Kaidan looked like she had sucker punched him in the gut. She didn't want his help. She didn't want his advice. She didn't want him...but she did.

"It's just a battlefield thing" she said.

"I guess that's what I needed to know." he answered, and it was over.

She had done the right thing hadn't she?

"If this is so right, why do I feel like I'm the one who got sucker punched" she thought.

She had hoped her head would clear, but it only got worse. She reduced her conversations with him to tactical appraisals. It didn't help. He was still stayed consistently on her mind, and she soon found herself watching him when she thought he wasn't looking.

But the worse thing...the thing that bothered her the most was Virmire.

She had convinced him that she had saved him because the bomb was the mission, and he was at the bomb sight rather than the AA Tower. "You lucked out Lieutenant." she had said, but she lied. She had made an emotional decision and she knew it. She had saved Kaidan because she couldn't bare it if anything had happened to him. That fact had haunted her for weeks after Ashley's death. It had also made her realize she had made a mistake in walking away from the Lieutenant.

As she grieved over her mistakes, her thoughts bounced back to Liara and she shook her head. In truth Liara was shy when it came to relationships. She was young for an Asari and didn't really have any experience. For her to approach Shepard was a bold move.

"Makes me look like a coward." thought Sam. " I can take on the Reapers, defeat Saran and the Geth, face almost certain death without batting an eye, but I can't just say "I'm sorry, I was wrong" to someone I care about."

As she reflected, her walk brought her to the mess where once again she found herself stealing glances at the Lieutenant as he worked at his station.

"I can't keep doing this." she thought, but she didn't move to leave.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'It will finally be over then." thought Kaidan.

The rumors about Dr. Tsoni be interested in Commander Shepard were flying.

"I didn't see that coming." he thought, "...that she was a...that she was interested in women."

"Asari." his mind corrected him.

"Still looks like a woman to me." he thought.

"Maybe this explains why she lost interest." his mind continued to muse.

"Or maybe she wasn't interested in you in the first place, Kaidan. You were just a warm up act before Liara came along." he thought.

Pain and anger arose within him at the idea. Despite the fact that he saw this as a way to finally get Shepard off his mind, he couldn't help feeling a little jealous.

"Why couldn't it have been me?" he wondered.

He shook his head.

"No, this is for the best. Commander Shepard is completely professional with me now...no personal talk...no small talk. That's the way it should be. Knowing that she has someone special in her life will help me keep my mind on work. It will help me know that any hope of a personal relationship down the line isn't possible." he thought.

Kaidan's brow furrowed. Was he still thinking about a possible relationship with Shepard somewhere in the future? He suddenly had a flash of General Septimus in Chora's den mooning over the Asari Consort Sha'ira. He hadn't been able to believe the Turian had fallen apart over a woman, and here Kaidan seemed to be doing the same thing.

"I need to let this go" he whispered to himself.

Until then he hadn't been able to shake his feelings for her.

"That will change, now." he thought.

For the next few days whenever he thought of Shepard, he purposely reminded himself of Liara. The hope he had for closing the door on Shepard seemed to flee as the experiment only fueled an ever increasing jealousy of the young Asari.

His frustration over this seemed to reach the melting point when a new rumor surfaced. Shepard had turned Liara down cold.

Kaidan had been elated, and once again he had lost the battle to get Shepard out of his system.

For the next few weeks he walked on air.

For some reason he felt Shepard's rejection of Liara meant that she had picked him. He knew it wasn't the truth, but he couldn't help how it made him feel.

He was so ecstatic that he planned to do the unthinkable. He planned to go to the Commanders Quarters and tell Shepard that he still had feelings for her despite the fact she didn't want anything to do with him. It was possible none of them would survive Saren and Sovereign and he didn't want to have any regrets.

Since the time she had pushed him away he thought he had done something wrong. Perhaps he had. It had been his fault Rahna had spurned him. Why was it not his fault that Shepard had done the same?

So the night before Ilos he made his move.

As he boldly approached the door, he envisioned her forgiving him and things going back to the way they were...maybe even better than before. This might be his last chance.

He felt his chest tighten at the thought of something happening to Shepard. As distant as she was, as much as she seemed to hate him, he didn't know what he would do if anything ever happened to her.

The forceful confident knock he had planned to use failed, as his hand opened and softly came to rest on the face of the door. As a wave of sorrow overtook him he realized Shepard would never forgive him. Like Rahna, Shepard would never take him back. If only he knew what it was he had done wrong.

He leaned against the door frame and whispered ,"I'm sorry" before turning away and returning to his bunk for the night.

He wasn't really sure why he bothered to say it. Shepard couldn't hear him.


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard stretched. As her arm reached past the medi-blankets, she felt the cold that had settled into the mako hit her arm, and she quickly jerked it back beneath the 's when she realized that underneath the blankets she was only wearing her underwear.

"What the...," she started, when she further realized that she was not only wrapped up in a medi-blanket half-naked, but was also wrapped up in the arms of Lieutenant Alenko. Despite the heat being emitted from the blankets, Commander Shepard froze.

"What happened?" she thought, " I'm not drunk. This isn't shore leave....and why is he sleeping like a baby while I'm freaking out!"

Kaidan slept, oblivious to the fact that Shepard was now fully awake, so he didn't see it coming when her sharp elbow hit him in the side.

"Alenko!, What is going on here!?" She half-shouted, half-asked.

Kaidan was more mellow than he had been in a long time.

"Ah here we go again. Status report, Lieutenant. Lets talk mission." he thought.

"Fact one. There was an explosion. Fact two. Private Wright is dead. Fact three. The mako is damaged and unable to return to the Normandy. Fact four. A storm started after the explosion and it will be approximately 8 hours before it brakes and the Normandy can land to retrieve us ." Kaidan began and then quickly looked at the dash of the mako where the a dimly lit instrument showed the time.

"No wait," he continued, " My mistake....Fact four: A storm started after the explosion and it will be approximately 7 hours before it brakes and the Normandy can land to retrieve us.

As he continued his sarcasm seethed into in every word. He couldn't believe that she wouldn't give him a chance as a human being.

"Why are you talking like that?" she asked, looking confused and a little hurt.

"Isn't that what you expect? What do you think about the mission, Lieutenant ? What' s your assessment of the mission, Lieutenant ? Status report, Lieutenant." he spouted.

"Actually I wanted to know why I was half-naked and in your arms?" she asked, sounding just miffed enough to garner Kaidan's attention.

He felt himself blush as his former sarcastic attitude was forgotten.

"Oh ...I ...I must of left that out." He stammered, " The explosion shredded your suit. A main or something broke. There was water were drenched and I had to undress you...you know to get you out of those wet clothes...I didn't look...I..I..."

"How absolutely adorable he looks." she thought, as she listened to Kaidan as he stumbled over his words.

She had no doubt that he had averted his eyes.

Kaidan stopped abruptly when he saw the smile form on Shepard's lips.

"What?" she asked softly.

"It's just that I haven't seen you smile like that in a long time...especially at me." he stated.

"I guess I'm just tired of fighting." she answered.

"I thought as much. I figured that was why you backed off finding the Reapers." he agreed.

" I wasn't talking about the job." she said.

"Then what?" he asked.

"I'm tired of being afraid of what might happen if I stop fighting you." she explained.

A slow awareness begin to wash over Kaidan as he realized what Shepard was saying.

"All this time she still had feelings for me." he thought.

"What were you afraid of?" he asked.

She didn't try to explain about Jillian. That would be for another day.

Simply she said, " That we'd be discovered...that the Alliance would take you away from me and I'd never see you again."

"And you're not afraid anymore?" he asked a little worried.

"I think I was dreaming while I was out. I remember thinking that I would rather have a little time with you than no time at all. If the Alliance tries to reassign you then..." she explained.

"They won't." he interrupted. "You're a Spectre, Shepard. You don't answer to them."

"But you do." she stated.

Kaidan furrowed his brow. He understood what she was saying, but he wanted to put her at ease. This was the closest he had gotten to clearing the air, and he didn't want to blow it.

"If it came to that, I would step down Shepard. If you knew how I felt about you, you'd know that in your heart." he said slowly.

And it was true. Kaidan could have asked to be reassigned at any time, and yet despite the fact that he and Shepard were on the outs he had remained. He would rather be with Shepard even if she hated him than to not be with her at all.

"And as a Spectre I could keep you on the crew." she said. Kaidan could see the wheels turning in Shepard's mind. He could see peace settle there, as she saw a way to make it work.

Smiling seductively, she purred, " And tell me Lieutenant Alenko, Would I be keeping you on as a squad member or as something else?"

Kaidan dropped his eyes, and she could see the blush slowly enveloping his face.

"Both, I would hope." he said quietly.

Shepard's eyes brightened, as she lifted his face even with hers.

"How do you do that?" she asked.

" Do what?" he asked puzzled.

"Make yourself so adorable that you're utterly irresistible." she answered.

Suddenly, feeling a lot hotter than the medi-blanket could make him, Kaidan swallowed the need to ask exactly what it was he had done. He didn't want to ruin the moment.

"Does it make you uncomfortable for me to say that?" she asked.

"No." he stated.

Leaning in, Shepard drew Kaidan close, their lips touching ever so delicately.

Pulling away slightly, Kaidan teased, "What about the regulations against fraternization?"

Arching her brow, Shepard pulled Kaidan in again kissing him more passionate than before.

"You can report it to your commanding officer tomorrow." she answered, as she parted from the kiss.

Kaidan feverishly locked lips with Shepard again causing her to let out a sharp gasp.

"but you are my commanding officer." he said between breaths. Kaidan found his arms tightly encircling Shepard's warm body.

"I know." Shepard breathed.

The cold barren ice planet had never felt hotter.


End file.
